I don’t know what we are doing now. Is this a break? Because it feels like one.

When was the last time you called me without me asking you to? When was the last time we had a nice meal together? When was the last time you asked me out instead of a oh-we-finished-college-so-chun-chun-go-walk-around thing? When was the last time we had some time together just the two of us? When was the last time you had time for me, and we just sat down and had a nice long talk?

It’s beginning to feel like I have lost my voice because I have no one to talk to anymore.

Do you know how many tears I am shedding every day? Do you know that I’m crying as I’m typing this now? Do you know how lonely and abandoned I feel?

Excuses you tell to me. Telling me you don’t want to call me because you’re scared we’ll fight. Telling me you’re tired, you need to rest, when before this, being with me was so much more important. Remember your short sweet story to me about how when your ex was sick, you stayed up the night for her? What about me? Why are you always TIRED? And you’d blame me for keeping you awake. Blame me with your snide comments on how you didn’t sleep last night because you were on the phone with me.

Why are you with me? Just for my body? I don’t get it. You’re never interested in what I say anymore, you never respond to what I say except smile or laugh or say “LOL”. Classic signs of losing interest. Do you take me for a fool? I can see how everything is rolling out.

And those days when I do leave you to be alone, it’s not like you actually sleep early. It’s just excuses. To avoid me. 

I’ve never quite felt so empty before.

It was a huge mistake getting involved with anyone at this age.