but you’re not. and here i am again, feeling the exact same feelings i thought i’d never feel again. i put up with everything and this is what i get. here i am again, on this self destructive path when i have to drink half a bottle of syrup just to numb myself till im groggy then fall asleep. when i cry so much my eyes swell and i have to make excuses. when my friends joke about you and my mouth can’t seem to form the words to tell them the truth - that it’s over. when everything i eat seems to come right back up.. because nothing can set in my stomach except the heavy cold rock sitting in it. Feeling empty, at the same time my chest is so tight at time i struggle to breathe.

should i be relieved? i don’t know. right now, just focusing on getting through this pain in one piece. no one knows.